Questioning of Fate
by Jewel Insert Witty Name Here
Summary: Set in the second part of SMR, Mamoru reflects on how the break up affected him and the possibility of changing Destiny. R&R!


Questioning of Fate (1/1)   
~Jewel   
(Knowsall5@hotmail.com)   
() 

**Disclaimer:** Sailor Moon is not mine. The only thing that is mine is this fanfic, so don't try to sue me because you won't get anything. BSSM was created by Naoko Takeuchi and is also copyrighted to some other people. 

**Author's Notes:** I wrote this one day, in about an hour's time. It's relatively short, and some of it might not make sense. But reviews are welcome anyway. 

Set in the second part of SMR.   


: 

Bright sun . . . cool wind . . . laughter and horns sounding from the sidewalks and streets. It was just like everyday . . . or at least most days. Except I think I'd just made one of the worse mistakes of my life. 

Well, maybe my biggest mistake was not running in the opposite direction the first time I saw her. Or perhaps it was my stupid decision to not move out of the country or even city at the first sign of strangeness . . . But it probably was all a result of not checking myself into a mental institution when I first began to hear voices or lose time and wake up in a rumpled tuxedo with no memory of the night before. 

Scientists would most likely say I'm mentally deranged and create a fantasy world for myself where I'm the hero to compensate for having no family and for growing up in an orphanage. 

But what the Hell do scientists know? 

Of course, psychics would call me one of the most lucky and enlightened people to walk the earth. 

They're crazy as well. 

What amounts to millennia before I was born, was when my destiny was decided and sealed. Gods of old and Higher Beings of new have decreed I would wander the city in a tuxedo and cape, rescuing girls in tiny mini-skirts, throwing roses and spewing boring, corny proverbs and whatnot. 

Yea, sometimes I sit in the dark and laugh about it too. 

However, in this single day in time, I wasn't laughing. . . 

With the coldest expression on my face that I might have ever shown, and my back stiff and rigid, I was calmly and calculatedly walking away from a weeping blonde. 

Kneeling on the sidewalk, the slight girl's hair pooled around her, reflecting the beautiful sunlight. Though I wasn't looking at her as I walked away (how could I, I might've walked into a light pole), I knew glistening tears were trailing down her pale (or maybe red from flushing at my harsh words) face. 

Overall I guess it would've made a beautiful and serene image . . . but only if the sound was muted. You wouldn't think such a petite, pretty girl could make such a loud, screeching wail. 

To be honest, it really wasn't a wail right now as much as it as a loud keening that was still annoying anyway. It must be a measure of my insanity that my heart was crumbling because I had induced the cry.   


Isn't life the easiest thing when it's already been mapped out for you? A few thousand years ago, you die . . . then you're reborn. Then your parents die . . . you go to school . . . you have a few close friends . . . you get a job . . . and oh, yea, you meet your soulmate. 

Simple. 

Nothing to it. 

I never thought about it much until a few months ago, but a soulmate means you're never alone. You have your other half, the one who can always make things right. Life is suppose to be even easier with a soulmate. 

And if ignorance is bliss, and life is happy and merry without a soulmate; what does it mean that you find your soulmate and it breaks your heart? 

The way I figure it, it equates to the worse torment in the world. 

So, as I walked away from my crying soulmate, my own heart in shreds, I quietly curse the Gods and the Fates and all the bastards responsible for my misery. 

Wasn't it enough that our love had perished the millennia gone by? And wasn't it enough that I had spent all my life up to now lonely and isolated? And feeling crazy because I had dreams about a Princess looking for, of all people, me? 

It took months of struggling with a secret identity alone before I met Usagi and I realized we were meant for each other . . . and then the Princess came and once again, just like before, we were torn part. Once more it took months to be reborn and to be pulled from my amnesia, but it had been accomplished. 

Finally for the time for us to be together! 

_Will we never be happy?!_

Those were the words she'd screamed over and over in my dreams all those years . . . and even louder into my ear when the Dark Kingdom stole me again. 

Both times in the past They, the ruling evil of the time, had been responsible for tearing us apart and putting her through agony. 

But now . . .? 

Now I was the one torturing her. 

Still, though, something didn't add up. If my preordained destiny was her, then how could I put her in jeopardy? Even so, however, my dreams had never let me down. They've been the one thing, besides her, I've had to hold on to all my life. My dreams have always been there. 

So how to choose? The Dreams? Her? 

Destiny? 

But destiny could always change. . . it's possible to create your own destiny. 

Was that what I was doing? Breaking both our hearts, throwing the will of the Gods in their faces . . . what was I doing?   


Dark night . . . lights from the streets and shops filled the sky, diluting the imposing darkness . . . crashes and tumbles . . . cries of battle and surprise . . . Just a normal nightly escapade. 

"Quickly! While it's down! Now!" One of the Senshi shouted. 

"I've got it!" another called back in reply. 

"Get her out of here! Now! Get her to safety!" Sailor Moon yelled to one of the Senshi, as she held her wand above her head. 

A small child with wild pink hair ran across the scene, making a dash for Sailor Moon. "Does no one listen to me?!" Sailor Moon shrieked, pointing at the girl. "Mars, get your ass over here and put - oh." 

I swooped down from my perch on the stone fence of the compound and swept the child up into my arms. "I've got her." 

She stared at my face for a moment. "Fine," she snapped, then turned her attention back to the battle. 

:*: 

"I might have sprained my ankle," Sailor Venus grumbled. 

Sailor Jupiter snorted and held over her left arm. "I've got a nasty burn." 

"And I've got goop in my hair." Sailor Mercury looked at Sailor Moon, "Next time, please don't explode the yoma near me." 

"It wasn't exactly the time to be picky," Sailor Mars said, though not with her usual bite. 

I walked towards the scene of the after battle, the small girl still holding on to me. "Here she is," I said, holding her out to the Senshi, but none in particular. 

"Put her down, she can walk," a cold voice said, from my right. 

It was Usagi! "After that ordeal, do you think she can walk, Odango?" 

As a means to distance myself, I'd decided to once again take up my teasing and mean nicknames. 

Blue eyes are the easiest to grow icy. If I hadn't known that from my own attitude, I knew it now. "After we just unrelentingly fought to keep her ass safe, do you think we can carry her?" 

I thought for a second there Sailor Mars or even Sailor Jupiter would protest to what she was saying, but both of them remained quiet, though I saw Sailor Mercury look between us nervously. 

"I'll take her home myself then," I finally said. 

But as I turned to walk off, Usagi said, "By that I hope you mean your apartment." 

I turned back to face her. "She's a child." 

"She's the cause of our current problems." Sailor Moon motioned around her, indicating the ash left behind by the yoma. However, I knew that wasn't all she meant. 

"That's just petty, Sailor Moon." 

Sailor Moon shrugged. "What, Tuxedo Kamen, would you have me do with one who threatens what I've worked so hard to create and maintain?" 

Again with the double meanings, I hadn't any idea Usagi was this good at word games. 

"The Princess would not do this," I said, deciding to cut to the center of the matter. 

She shrugged again. "Your princess would not, but then again . . . I'm not your Princess, am I?" 

"Usagi?" Mars asked softly. 

Usagi ignored her. 

"Matters between you and I are far from over. And one day you will have to face this and explain it. . . And one day, far from now, I might not be as willing as I have been in the past, to hear your excuses." With that said she turned and walked away, her head high. 

And like the fool I know I was, I stood there, still holding the outraged child who sputtered, "Why-why that little brat! I knew Usagi was no good!" 

"I'll take her," Sailor Jupiter said quickly. 

I handed her over to the tall Senshi and walked away, not looking back at the child. Realizing at that moment that I didn't care. 

**Lucky . . . crazy . . . deranged . . . imaginary world . . . _Will we never be happy?_ **

All these thoughts and events chasing each other around in my head. 

I find that I don't understand any of it. . . that bright day when I, for the first time, but not the last, broke her heart . . . her cryptic words to me that night . . . my realization that my destiny might not have been as cement as I had thought. . . 

Preordained fates . . . soulmates . . . what does any of the mean? Does any of it have any value when you change it and shatter your own heart . . . because that's exactly it, isn't it? Two soulmates, one complete heart. Shatter that happiness and you've broken the entire heart, not just two. And doesn't that change everything? Even if your destiny was decreed millennia ago by the Gods, you still have the ability to change it. 

_Will we never be happy?_

And what of the consequences if we are . . . or aren't? 

*end*   
:   
It was all a one shot . . . and a very choppy one at that, but hey, I was inspired and trying to write the next part of 'Shards of a Faerie Tale', but this happened instead. Blame the muses. Or lack there of. 

Drop me a line, or a review . . . or even better, go to my site . [shameless plug, I know ;) ] 

~Jewel  
knowsall5@hotmail.com  
  
[July 1st, 2003] 


End file.
